Summit

I’ve been quiet lately. Life has been busy. Good busy, but busy nonetheless, and I just haven’t wanted to end any of my days these last two weeks trying to be creative with my words. I’m not trying to be creative tonight, but I need to get some stuff down here for posterity.

There have been some moments lately, the kind that fire me up and keep me going strong. The kind that pick me up after a rough day. I’m in one of those peaks right now where I’m improving at the things I try, fascinating myself yet again with the things I can do. I don’t know when I’ll travel back to the next valley, but I’ll enjoy the air at this altitude as long as I can.

Last week, I did 30 back squats in a row, without racking the bar, at my bodyweight of 130 lbs. It was the hardest I’ve ever pushed myself in a strength workout. Once I hit 18 reps (the number I got last time I attempted this) and began to struggle, I lost confidence and began to settle thinking maybe low twenties would be good enough to finish. But I had the rare and awesome experience of having my husband there by my side, coaching me. Normally this is not a situation I like to be in, but he was all encouragement, giving me just the cues I needed, along with inspiring my need to impress him. I lost count after 20 because I went all cloudy, only hearing his voice, pushing me through one rep after another. All I could do was get one more rep until he told me to quit. When he finally announced “30,” I went to rack the bar and couldn’t. I was stiff and weak, and needed help from the others to guide the bar back into the rack.

Once free of the weight, my vision was black and blurry, and I thought I might hurl. My shoulders and neck were tense from holding the bar, and my hamstrings had no idea what had just hit them. Ronnie said “that’s how you know you had a good strength workout and really pushed yourself! That’s how it should feel.” It took awhile to get ready for the actual wod, which was 65 reps of pull-ups, kettle bell swings, and hollow rocks over the course of 9 rounds. I RX’d this wod, even after my back squat exertion, and actually improved on my pull-ups, stringing 4 – 5 in a row for most of the wod, and much faster with better form than my recent pull-ups had been. They felt good for a change.

Tonight, I enjoyed another PR, by way of bench press. Last time we did 1 rep max, 3 months ago, I broke a hundred by hitting 105. A couple weeks ago, I did 105 for 3 rep max. Today my goal was 115, but then Coach had us thinking of our goal and then warm up with a weight that was 25 lbs lighter, so I thought I’d push myself and go for 120. It seemed like a dream, but why not go out on a limb? That’s where the fruit is (thanks Mark Twain). I busted out my 5 warm-up reps at 95, and then went straight for 110. It was a surprising struggle, as I got caught halfway up but then somehow managed to power it through. I wondered if I should call it a day, since that wasn’t pretty. But no, I couldn’t stop there. I wasn’t stopping until someone had to lift the bar off my chest. 115 happened the same way. In fact it looked and felt just like 110. So why not go for 120? It came down and I fought to make it move off my chest, but it wasn’t going very far. My spotter reached out his hands to catch the bar, so I fought back by pushing it up. His hands floated beneath the bar as I managed to move it up, inch by inch, in slow motion. He never touched the bar. It just took that nudge, that thought of not wanting him to help me up with it, to drive that thing off my chest. It was an amazing feeling – that number seemed so impossible to me even a few hours ago before I attempted it! My goal of bodyweight bench press is not far away. In fact, next time, that will be my goal. It’s only ten pounds away.

Tomorrow we have Nancy, a workout that I’ve been dreaming of RX’ing. Overhead squats at 65 lbs and running. My favorite lift, but it will be a challenge. I’ve attempted 65 lbs in a wod before, but couldn’t finish without dropping to 60 halfway through, and that was fewer reps than what Nancy calls for. But, I’m stronger now, so I will attempt this again. Hopefully I won’t hit the inevitable valley of struggle till after I RX Nancy tomorrow!

I’ll show you how great I am

My friend sent me this motivational video a few weeks ago, said she watches it nearly every day. It has many of my favorite quotes, and it gets me all choked up. But the one that she always says, she’s got me saying: Muhammed Ali’s “I’ll show you how great I am!”

Try saying that just before the 3-2-1 go. Or before a heavy lift. See if it doesn’t light a fire. I’ve found myself saying it (in my head of course) right in the suck of a WOD, when it hurts, when I’m tired. I shout that in my head, I hear my friend’s voice saying it, and Ali’s voice saying it, and my voice saying it. It makes me smile, and it gives me new energy to power through. Sometimes just the smile it brings is what I need, to remember that what I am doing is good and strong and worth it, even when it sucks.

I said it today on the last leg of the one mile run we had to complete after 50 ground-to-overhead with a plate, 50 sit-ups, 50 kettle bell swings, and 50 box jumps. My legs, still sore from Monday, and spent after KB swings and box jumps, were wobbly as I started out, but I found a stride and pace that I could keep up. I tried to pick up speed on the last leg, with my lungs gasping, and could see fellow athletes resting at the finish line, cheering the rest of us to the end. I’ll show you how great I am I thought, as I cranked my arms and busted out what little “sprint” was left in me (it felt like a sprint, but was probably a slow jog, haha). I felt the smile and the strength, it never fails. Thanks, Maria, for the voices in my head. They speak up at the perfect time!

Things I don’t suck at.

Squats, both overhead and back squats. Front squats are coming along. I still love squats. I feel strong while squatting. It’s not easy, but I feel like I get it, and I continue to learn and get better. I trust my thick legs and rounder rump to not let me down. Tonight we did 3 rep max and I got 165. My previous was 155, with 1 rep at 175. I really wanted to try 175 for 3 tonight, but we ran out of time. I was definitely not done. Last week I hit 5 overhead squats at 95. This means I WILL be breaking 100 lbs on my next max set. I am so close and that just seems bada$$ to be able to do that.

Kettle bell swings. The coaches say I’ve got the best form in the house, and it’s strong. I love and hate KB swings at the same time – they wear me out, but I love the focus on posture and momentum and control. There’s also something mesmerizing about swinging a kettle bell.

Squat cleans are a new favorite. I haven’t done a lot, but today got to do them in a 21-15-9 wod, so I got tons of practice. I challenged myself with weight so I’d be forced to drop low in the squat to get under the bar, because that is the hardest part to learn. And it worked – I felt really good about them and got positive feedback from the coaches tonight. The wod was actually both KB swings and squat cleans, so it was a burner and my shoulders, back, butt, and legs will be toast tomorrow, but it was a love-hate kind of wod pain.

Push-ups, especially clapping push-ups, which I did last night for the first time in my life, and did a whole 40 of them to complete the wod. I figured I’d only get a few before switching to regular push-ups, but I managed to keep going and bust out all of them with a clap. And I learned it’s a great pick-me-up to do clapping push-ups. You really have to put some joy and energy into it to make it work. It cured my bad mood last night and got me actually laughing during the wod. That’s a rare occasion! I felt a little crazy. Maybe I am.

Backsliding

Sometimes I feel I’m backsliding. How is it I did 45 decent unassisted kipping pull-ups in a workout several weeks ago, and today I struggled like hell to get 50 sloppy ones? I was battling to get one, two, and rarely three in a row, barely getting my chin above the bar, probably questionably several times. Maybe it was the adrenaline and excitement in the first wod that I completed with no assistance that carried me through, because every pull-up wod since then has been a fight. I’ve even felt like my coordination and form is getting worse!

I’ve been wondering, as my form goes to crap, if I should jump on the band to finish properly? I did that for 3 reps today, and it sure felt easier and back to normal. Maybe next time I should grab the band for the wod to build my confidence and form back up? But then I feel like I’m loosing progress, rather than continuing to soldier through where I’m at now. If I keep struggling, eventually I’ll get better, right? I just get so demoralized when my body stops cooperating, sometimes it becomes more of a mental battle than anything.

Other than the 3 reps in the middle of the wod with the little pink band, I stuck it out and finished my pull-ups slowly, but sloppily. I hoped no one was watching me flail my body around. I’m sure I looked like a monkey with a seizure.

Not every wod can be awesome, and I gotta get the bad days out of my system. Hopefully that was it for this week. Bleh.